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Friday, May 14, 2010

I am really stuck in a hard place right now. Just for something different, it's the kids that are causing my mind quite a bit of grief.

If you were my neighbours, you'd think I was psychotic. I seem to always be yelling at the kids - it doesn't matter what time of day it is, you're sure to hear the frustrating and anger emitting from my vocal chords. Not to mention the steam rising out my ears.

I only wish I were trying to be funny, but in this case it is literal.

You see I am stuck trying to figure out if my expectations are too much... a little outdated... I don't know. There has to be some reason that the Aphids blatently ignore me over and again until I get to the point where I am about to have a stroke! Am I asking incorrectly? Should I even expect them to get dressed when asked? Is it wrong that I want my furniture left where I placed it? And heaven forbid I should try for them to eat what food is served up!

I always certainly try to make a point of asking them to do things clearly and in a nice manner. Generally I am ignored and more playing is done. I'm not talking *stop playing and clean this house!*, rather, *please brush your teeth! go and get your school uniform on! put your lunchbox on the bench! take your shoes and socks off!* Is that really too much expectation placed on a 5 year old? or *please go to the toilet before you have an accident! lets get some nice clothes on! etc* for my 3 year old..

It is wearing me out and making me very stressed and angry. Not the sort of mummy anyone wants around. It's no wonder they cling to daddy for dear life.

I guess I really need to learn the art of relaxing and not taking their disobedience personally. No easy feat if you ask me. Alas, this is my only option though because it seems they have the upper hand in all this.

So what do *you* do when your little ones push all your buttons and test your limits?? Because I need some new strategies...

10 comments:

Emily Sue said...

My disclaimer here is that I am not a parent, but let me share my friend's experience. When her boys were young she was in a similar place and she was really on the verge of cracking it. The fights in the morning to get ready for school were the worst. She was seeing a counsellor at the time, who said to her, "What's more important to you - being on time for school or not screaming at your children?" She decided that the before-school preparation would just take as long as it took, because she was thoroughly sick of screaming at the children. They were late for about a week or so (ie, turning up for school at 10am) and then after that the kids got their act together and got ready on time - I think they hated arriving late - and everyone was a lot happier.

Of course it wasn't a miracle cure and didn't solve all their disobedience problems and arguments, and it's probably not a solution for everyone anyway, but my friend's kids are now 17 and 19 and she still talks about that 'experiment' as a real turning point for all of them.

Scurrette said...

I often tell myself - or perhaps ask myself why I seem to think it more important that others percieve us as having our act together, then just being a happy * go with the flow* type..

Your words are kind and wise and methinks I will take them in with thanksgiving.

cassandra2491 said...

I don't know - I never had any issues like that. You could try and change your tact and put the onus back on the 5yr old (rather than mummy nagging again) and then take him to school in his pj's? (Sorry I asked to get dressed etc, we have to leave now and you have chosen to wear your pjs)(Sorry to the person or people who think just arrive when your ready - but the world doesn't wait and children have to learn boundaries and their choices have consequences). Have you got a checklist for him to be responsible for himself? The 3yr old will still need continual reminding - once again a picture checklist for him to learn responsibility?

Ally said...

As has been alured to in the previous comments here, they have to learn that their actions/choices have consequences. Be that getting to school late (or in their PJs!)or losing a privilage/toy etc. As Emily said they soon learn quickly.
Cassandra also had a good idea with the picture checklist. Then they can see what they have to do.

Swift Jan said...

Well you know I have been having dramas also so I can't really offer any advice.... not after a night of yelling at the kids to tidy up their rooms (which were horrendous)and them getting to bed over an hour late....

my3lovelies said...

Ah I have no advice either! We are struggling big time with the boys at the moment too...they seem to have no respect or regard for us at all. Makes you quite sad doesn't it. Big Hugs and I'll be home soon to give you one in person! xox. By the way...I LOVE your new blog layout!!

June F. said...

The suggestions posted here for you Bec sound great, and I don't have any new ideas. I just wanted to say you are not alone in your nagging (It's big here too, even with the older one) and try not to feel bad. It happens, then it will get better and something else will start. (((HUGS)))

dreamingkristin said...

Welllllllll We have our moments here too.. and I also have the idea that I want people to perceive that we have everything all together.. but we have a decent amount of yelling and fustration that goes along with getting out of the house on time in the morning.. being late and not being dressed is NOT an option for a working mom!
Sooo I can say my boys are easy... it the girl child that gets my feathers all in a ruffle. I have read the book 1,2,3 Magic - it has some great ideas that work a lot fo the time.. my biggest boy has truely become the most helpful in my household! He picks up toys or clothes that aren't even his when I ask... he likes when I 'need' him so that's his reward - that he is pleasing momma! the little one well he is still young but I see very much of his big brother in him. Now the girl child... she pushes all my buttons... and there are times that it not a choice.. she does what momma says even if it means that I give her chances to do it and its not done then I physically do it for her even if she is kicking a screaming.. usually she gets over it and the next time I can remind her that she makes a choice (from the acceptalbe ones I give her) or I choose it for her... she usually makes one -- not always happyly but she makes one... other times she offers me a compromise... sometimes it works other times not...
Now meal time.. if you find a solution to that one I would LOVE to know it... Big boy fights, whines, falls out on the floor crying and then when everyone is done he will eat it and comment how good it is... {roll eyes} why is it so hard to eat...

Crazy Sister said...

I've had some luck with accompanying my requests with a firm hand on their heads or the back of the neck, and giving them a gentle push in the right direction. Sometimes once they take the first few steps in the direction towards the task I've set them, they manage to continue on their own, with 30 second reminders or inquiries on progress.

Of course, it backfires if it leads to the neighbours hearing them yell, "Mummy, stop squeezing my NECK!"

Lisa T said...

Well, my comment isn't to leave you advice but to thank you for raising this and that I am reading the comments/advice as I am having the same problem myself.

Thanks again.